i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize