i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
