i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
