dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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