are you still at the devil's house?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
