I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
