my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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