He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
