More tranny stories later!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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