K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
