dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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