I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
