i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
