you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
