I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
