meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
