I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
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