Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
please come you make the beer taste better
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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