The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
someone owes me an orgasm
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
