Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
