She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
