If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
