mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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