Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
