just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
