Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
