Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
