when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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