Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
