My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
