No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
