I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
