took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
