just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
