cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
