i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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