Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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