bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
