watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
