i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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