I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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