New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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