No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
