I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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