i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
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He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
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It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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