honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
