We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
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Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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