I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
