sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
