How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
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he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
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this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
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