Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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