People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
