Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
