why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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