I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
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