I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This is my gift to your gina
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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