this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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