I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Your penis caused this!
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