I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize