No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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