did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
