Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
