Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
