it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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