Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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