you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
