just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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