Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
